The day it began.

I arrived at Royal North Shore Hospital at about 9.30 am Wednesday morning on 28 Jan 2009, completely unaware of the day ahead. I’d woken up lazy, sleepy, relieved that I’d get the day to strip the pictures off my bedroom walls, start the year afresh. I’d just set up my uni timetable for the year. I had managed to squeeze all my subjects to a Monday. Thank goodness I’d have a great routine with enough spare days to work. When I arrived at hospital I thought, “Great, this will be a quick trip, suss out why I’ve been dizzy for the last few weeks. Nothing too serious.” 

Mum drops me somewhere and I search aimlessly for the the hospital emergency department. I am suddenly aware of how giddy I am. Trying to focus on street signs, silencing all construction noise so I could focus on my destination. I stumble into ER triage and go to the front desk. The nurse looks at me as if I am a ghost. I realise I haven’t looked in the mirror today. “Are you always so pale?” She asks.

Nurses and doctors hover around me. Question after question. When did you start feeling dizzy? Any chance you are pregnant? Have you been fainting? I hear the doctors whisper amongst themselves. Her haemoglobin is only 26. An average person is 120. They come over to me “Do not get out of bed.” I needed the bathroom, so I get up to go and three nurses grab my sides “No you can’t, we will get you a bed pan.” I refused and said I could go, they allowed me. Back in my bed in ER all sorts of doctors are coming to see me. One saying I need a bone marrow biopsy, another saying I need a blood transfusion. All these terms are circling in my head. What is going on with my body? After all the medical procedures I was escorted up to ward 12d. The Haemotology ward. I didn’t know what this meant. I thought it was just a spare room in the hospital where I would stay a couple of nights while the nurses watched my progress and I would go home over the next few days, live the normal life I’d had the day before this one.

I finally got an appetite for food having been unable to eat all day due to procedures. I scoffed half a lasagna from the hospital cafeteria. There was a knock on the door of my ward. The doctors face was familiar. Quite angular features, a tooth chipped and a little off centre. His voice echoed a deep “Hello,” and the room shook. “Come in,” I said. Feeling small. So insignificant. Mum and dad took some steps backwards and dropped into the two available chairs behind them. I push away my lasagna, suddenly I am not hungry anymore.

The next words that come out of the doctors mouth is, “Your daughter has been diagnosed with A.L.L. An acute form of leukaemia. If chosen not to take treatment, she will be given three months to live. If taking treatment she will be in hospital for six months and be infertile for life.” The rest of the doctors words are a blur to me. Parts of that conversation flow through my thoughts like waves on a beach. But the thing that was clinging most to my heart was the anger I had with the devil. He knew that these are the words that would ruin me. Instead. In that gap was Jesus. Filling that space between emptiness and despair. The devil disappeared as soon as I cried out, “Oh Jesus, Oh Lord…”

As soon as the doctor had left I proclaimed that nothing could ever stand in the way of my love for Jesus. Not a diagnosis. Not a sentence on infertility. Not any words of weakness, sickness or disease because I already knew that he taken all of that away already. He took it when he died on the cross. Every promise he has made has come true. He promised Abraham generations, even though he married a woman who was unable to fall pregnant until 99 years old. God lives to perform miracles. So leukaemia is not a diagnosis. It is a name. And no name is higher than Jesus Christ. This is part of my life. Each vision, revelation, each experience I’ve had has equipped me to deal with this battle. I think this story will unravel some events in my life that I see as a key to discovering who Jesus is, how is has opened my eyes in so many ways. 

Everyday I make a decision to be strong. To shut out any thoughts of weakness. I have made a decision that this disease has already been conquered and I am already made well. There is no weapon formed against me that will prosper. I am strong. I am healthy. I can eat with hunger in my tummy. God’s word is the truth, and the truth shall set you free. I speak everyday that I am free. I am not bound to this thing. Chemotherapy will pass through my body with ease and symptoms will be minimal. 

I am strong in my mind, body, soul and spirit. This is a battle that I can’t get through on my own. So those reading, keep calling, messaging me, inviting me out. I can’t do this alone. The best thing you can do is tell me about your life. That gives me hope to persevere.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

10 responses to “The day it began.

  1. Kate Ambler

    To My Beautiful Cousin,

    Your words, your story, your spirit are all some of the most beautiful and inspiring things in this world right now – especially to me.

    I come onto your blog regularly to see if you have written another, eager to cling once again to your every word, take in every drop of your thoughts. They captivate me, they move me, they motivate me.

    You help me to take a reality check on my life every day. “Is this really something that is important to be thinking about or dwelling on right now?” “Am I really where I want to be in my walk with God?” Even though you dont know it, You help me to think such things, You provoke thought in me. I know for many others this would be the case too.

    How good is our God Sam! How great is it to do this all for Him. All for His glory.

    I love you Sam, it really is an honour to be your Cousin.

    Love Always, Kate

  2. Grant

    Hi, just wanted to leave a comment to stop you complaining about noone leaving comments.

    Have a wonderful morning.

  3. beth

    Keep writing and make a book out of this one day! Your story is going to be so powerful! You have an incredible literary skill.

    I love you Samantha Hottie Froglegs

    xxxxxxxxx

  4. Cassie

    Sam, as cliched as it sounds, you are an inspiration.
    Always in my thoughts and prayers.
    Love. x

  5. chlo b

    sam,
    i know everyone is saying it but is so true,you are incredibly gifted and called!everything you write moves me. you are so beautiful and touching in each of your words…it makes my day to read your blogs! praying for you always…the victory over this battle is already won:) feel privledged to be able to have access to your writing! always in my prays
    love you

    • Megan Dietrich

      hey lil Sam Froggatt..i.too am soo inspired by you!! Am following your every day,standing with you knowing this battle is won! You are truly amazing,and God has such an incredible future in store for you…..beautiful baby girl(that’s how i remember you)…….love love love Meg (Zoe’s mummy) xoxoxoxoxoxox…..

  6. you are amazing sam and we love you dearly .You inspire us Each day we open up our daily reading and a lovely photo of you leaps out at us and you tug at our heart strings and we know many lives are being touched by you Love g and g xxxxx

  7. Megan Dietrich

    hey lil sam froggatt….it’s been many years,honey..truly amazing you are!!! Am following your every day and standing with you,knowing the battle is won!!!!
    BIG love to you baby girl(that’s how i remember you)….Meg(Zoe’s mum) xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  8. Bronte Waller

    hey sam…i am so glad you are home again. wow…another chemo down…u look at the things you’ve faced and got thru and wow, what can be thrown at you that you can’t endure…i know none of us know the secret thoughts, pains but you do shine. i am so thankful for all god has imparted to you. i know when i was pregnant with linc and things were looking scarey as my blood pressure rose, i realised that when you are in the middle of something, it’s too late to grab out for things- what’s implanted in us is our strength. i am so thankful you had so given your life to him, laid it on the alter and have his words planted deep in your heart. i would love you to write more- your words are so wonderful to read. my big love to you,
    xxbrontexx

  9. Chloe D

    Sam!!!

    Wow, you are so amazing! And u are such an awesome writer!! Uve captured ur story so vividly, reading it was like i was there and shivers Sam you are such a mighty, faithful, strong woman of God, your heavenly reward is going to be massive!!

    Its so amazing how God is already using you speaking through u to others and ur still in the battle. Imagine how much more so he is going to use u when you have come through the battle! The devil must really be afraid of you and you are whooping his behind!!

    You will see this victory come to pass in your life and then will be the beginning of a new day where others will receive their victories due to the hope ur life brings.
    You are pillar in so many peoples lives… u have given me such a revelation to that scripture though we are weak we are made strong in God – for though ur body is weak u are so strong in spirit, ur life is such a testimony to this scripture – u may feel weak but ur strength in God is what speaks LOUDLY (God loves using the impossible to make possible!)

    You have no idea how inspiring you are and how much God is already using your life!

    Love u heaps xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s