I find myself daily battling with grief. Godly grief and worldly grief, as Paul writes in Corinthians. They are two different things.
For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10
Every morning I seek out my God. Who are you to me today? Where are you? Sometimes he’s right there. Sometimes he seems distant. My brain churns throughout the day. Going over the things that have happened. I grieve. Why can’t I be normal again? I cry about my appearance, my hair. Even though I am constantly reminded that I am pretty, it feels like I have lost everything. It seems as though every one else has moved on. Every one has finished their uni degrees. Everyone are running flourishing connect groups. Everyone else is saving the world. Everyone has the energy to run on a treadmill and attend gym classes. I get so caught up in what everyone else gets. I am alone.
I stop myself. Who am I to be dreaming these things. God’s word in me seems to be strong enough to stop these thoughts. These thoughts leading to death and destruction. I tell myself I am alive. I am recovering. Even when results are not so good, when I have to start more drugs to cure a problem, when I am too tired to attend social events. I tell myself I am not alone. Everything is not lost. I have my Father. I know what I need in these times and that is people to call on. It’s okay to need help. I knew I needed encouragement. I was broken and angry at God. I think its okay if you realise it and seek help to change your attitude.
If we go to God with our grief it brings joy rather than darkness. We take a step forwards rather than mull around in the same position freaking out. Paul’s letter reminds me to take each day as it comes. Look to Jesus. Cast our cares upon Him.